Trusting [Monday, Oct. 06, 2008, 8:40 pm]
So I did get a job. And promptly got sick and had to call out for my second day. First time I've been sick since... April or something. But they let me stay, and I've been able to do the job through the sniffles and such. I like it - it's actually really easy at the moment.
Yeah... I wish I didn't find it so hard to trust sometimes. I knew that I would eventually be given a job opportunity, but now that I look back over my one week of unemployment, there were a few things I could have done instead of worrying. I mean, I think I did well with the time for the most part - I cooked, cleaned, read books, finally got out my camera again and did some photographing around Portland. I don't think I watched TV once. But still, I think sometimes it's okay to just - wait. And not feel that if I worry hard enough, something might happen faster. It rarely does.
There are other areas where I also need to work a little more on trust. Both of my roommates have boyfriends now, and I don't mind hearing about them... it just... I dunno, sometimes it's not always what I feel like I need to hear about. And...sometimes the more they talk about them, the worse I feel. I know, it's selfish. God knows what my desires are - believe me, I've let him know. And I am often tempted to wonder if the desires that I have are there for a reason other than seeing them fulfilled the way I may want right now. It would be hard to accept... and I wonder if seemingly "good" desires aren't always necessarily God-given. Or maybe I'm just being impatient again.
All I can really know is that I need to do what I can where I am. There are many things I can put my energy into.
Vitality - Tuesday, Aug. 11, 2009