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English Major
Thinker of odd things
















Famous last words, and other stories [Tuesday, Sept. 13, 2005, 9:08 am]

I decided I had to share some interesting portions from a book known as "The Bathroom Trivia Book 2: more nuggets of knowledge for America's favorite reading room."

Firstly, a few gravestone epitaphs:

William Shakespeare's:

"Good friend, for Jesus' sake forebeare
To dig the dust enclosed here
Blessed be he that spares these stones
And curst be he that moves my bones"

Edgar Allan Poe:

"Quoth the Raven Nevermore"

Benjamin Franklin:

"Like the cover of an old book,
Its contents torn out,
And stripped of its lettering and gilding,
Lies here, food for worms,
But the work shall not be wholly lost;
For it will, as he believed, appear once more,
In a new and more perfect Edition
Corrected and amended
By the author."


And now for some more humorous ones:

In memory of Mrs. Alpha White
Weight 309 lbs.
Open wide, ye heavenly gates
-found in a Lee, Massachusetts cemetary

Here lies Ann Mann
She lived an old maid and
She died an old Mann.
-Bath Abbey, England

Under the sod and under the trees
Lies the body of Solomon Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod:
Pease shelled out and went to God.
-Barre, Vermont


Here are a few self-written epitaphs, not all of which have been etched in stone yet:

"Here stands Tony Randall. I am not going to take this lying down."
-Tony Randall

"I told you I was ill."
-Spike Milligan

"Keep the line moving."
-Jack Paar

"If this is a joke - I don't get it."
-David Brenner


And lastly, some famous last words:

"I shall hear in heaven."
-Ludwig van Beethoven

"We are all going, we are all going, we are all going. . .oh dear!"
-William McKinley, assassinated in 1901

"I've never felt better."
-Douglas Fairbanks, Sr.

"Oh, I am so bored with it all."
-Winston Churchill

"I have offended God and mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have."
-Leonardo da Vinci

"Now comes the mystery."
-Henry Ward Beecher

"Drink to me."
-Pablo Picasso

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist---"
-General John Sedgwick, Union Commander in the Civil War

"Don't pull down the blinds! I feel fine. I want the sunlight to greet me."
-Rudolph Valentino

"Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it."
-William Somerset Maugham

"Lord help my poor soul."
-Edgar Allan Poe

"Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven't said enough."
-Karl Marx

wander -- travel

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