shopping...and more [Sunday, May. 02, 2004, 7:19 pm]
I now know the meaning of the phrase "shop till you drop". I could probably curl up on my bed right now and take a nice little nap.
After lunch today, me, my mom, and my 2 sisters went out shopping to the mall. I drove both ways. I really don't think I should be doing a lot of driving because of my eyesight. I seriously can't read road signs until right before I pass them, and I couldn't read the menu at the mall. I hope I get contacts soon.
And I just realize that after today, I only need about 7 or 8 more hours of driving before I can go for my license. Wow, that's surprising considering how slowly I was inching along at first. 35 hours is certainly a lot though.
Anyway, we were at the mall for about 2 hours, and then we went to Wal*mart for about half an hour. And I barely stopped walking around the whole time. So my feet hurt right now. I'm sure you're just itching to know what I got! Well, I'll tell you anyway: at Claire's, I got a whole ton of hair elastics cuz most of mine are in sad condition. I also got a butterfly clip, cuz my old one is also in pretty sad condition. At Wal*mart, I got an American flag bandana, and a little bottle of sky blue 'bon bons' nail polish.
I suppose it's a good thing that I was able to keep myself from buying any clothes. Cuz they cost a lot, and I really don't NEED another shirt, but those are what I almost always end up buying, whenever we go shopping.
Anyway, for the moment, I've pretty much decided that it would be futile to try to enroll full-time at a college this year. Just cuz it's so late to be applying at all. But I definitely want to take classes locally during the next year, as much as I can. It's funny, if you'd asked me a few weeks ago, I'd never have thought I'd end up doing it that way. But that's how it looks like it'll be. I guess it's my own stupid fault for not applying to more places last fall.
But still, I guess I just feel left out. Because almost every teen my age that I know is either going to a Christian college this year (or at least A college), or will be next year. And I'm stuck here at home.
I know, I shouldn't compare myself to others. Cuz everyone's situation is different, and maybe I just haven't matured as quickly as them, in some ways. I still seem to have some 'dependence' that I'm hanging onto. Sometimes I realize my attitude is something like, "Why bother learn to drive when my parents can do it for me?" or "Why bother get a job when my parents give me everything I need?" Sometimes I feel like they're holding onto me a bit too tightly.
And I'm really hoping I can lose those attitudes during the coming year. I'm kind of afraid that continuing to live at home 24/7 will just enforce them, rather than get rid of them. That's one reason I was hoping to live on a college campus next year. I could just leave 'cold turkey', and then get used to being independent. Now it looks like it'll take another whole year for that to happen.
I don't know why it is, but I just seem to feel a need, deep down inside, to have someone taking care of me. I don't mean like presiding over every area in life, because in most areas, I'm very independent, and would rather do things on my own. But I feel like I need someone I can just 'fall back on', at the end of each day. Someone who can handle the things that I'm not so good at. Because there seem to be a lot of them.
Maybe that's why the thought of living alone scares me sometimes. Which is weird, because most of the time I feel like a loner.
Ok, I don't know how I got from shopping, to going into all that. But at the moment, my little brother is commanding me to get off the net, because he has to call his dear friend. So I must go. Thanks for listening to me ramble :-)
Vitality - Tuesday, Aug. 11, 2009