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English Major
Thinker of odd things
















34 ways to confuse your roommate [Monday, May. 15, 2006, 2:21 pm]

I just added a link up there ^ in "extras," for my store. Just in case anyone needs textbooks for school & such, haha.

In view of the fact that I will more than likely be having an actual roommate (other than sisters) next fall, I figured it was time to catch up on the development of my mysterious and confusing personality, hence, a collection of various ways to confuse one's roommate, which I've gathered from over the web (don't worry - I wouldn't actually do 90% of these):

1. Sit up. Say, "time to make the donuts." Leave. Do this often.

2. Every five minutes, get up, open the door, peek out, close the door and look relieved.

3. Express an extreme fear of sunlight. Move away from and flinch at areas of the room that are sunny.

4. Pick up the phone every five minutes and say, "hello." Look confused and hang up.

5. Unwrap a candy bar. Eat the wrapper and throw the chocolate away.

6. When listening to the radio, sing along with different lyrics and a different tune.

7. Address your roommate by a different name every time you talk to him or her

8. Constantly drink from an empty glass.

9. Every time you handle something of your roommate's, use a tissue or gloves.

10. While unlocking your door with the key, complain that the engine won't start.

11. Name your animal crackers. Mourn for them after you eat them.

12. Get a pet rabbit. At a designated time every day, take the rabbit into the bathroom and engage in loud shouting matches. If your roommate inquires, refuse to discuss the situation.

13. Try to make meals using your roommate's electric blanket.

14. Put black tape over the eyes of the people in your roommate's pictures. Complain that they were staring at you.

15. Everytime your roommate falls asleep, wait ten minutes, wake him or her up and say, "it's time to go to bed now."

16. Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He just didn't belong."

17. Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.

18. Draw a tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "The hair, it's growing. Growing!"

19. Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon...."

20. Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

21. Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

22. While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

23. Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich!?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.

24. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"

25. Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."

26. Read with a flashlight when the lights are on. Pretend to read without one when the lights are out, remarking every so often how great the book is.

27. Get a surfboard. Put it on your bed. Stand on it, and pretend to surf for about fifteen minutes. Then, pretend to "wipe out," and fall off the bed onto the floor. Pretend you are drowning until your roommate comes over to "rescue" you.

28. Make toast for breakfast every morning, but don't plug the toaster in. Eat the plain bread, looking at the toaster angrily, and complain that the toaster doesn't know what it's doing. If your roommate suggests plugging it in, go on a tangent about fire-safety hazards.

29. Pack up all of your things and tell your roommate that you're going away to "find yourself." Leave, and come back in about ten minutes. If your roommate asks, explain that you're not a hard man to find.

30. Hang a picture of your roommate on the wall. Throw darts at it. Smile at your roommate often, saying things like, "How nice to see you again."

31. Get a can of beans. Label them, "Jumping beans." Eat them, and then jump around the room. Get another can of beans. Label them, "Dancing beans." Eat them, and then dance around the room. Get another can of beans. Label them, "Kill Your Roommate beans." Eat them, smiling at your roommate.

32. Insist that your roommate recite the "Pledge Of Allegiance" with you every morning.

33. Paint abstract paintings, and title them things like, "Roommate Dying in a Car Crash," and "Roommate Getting Whacked in the Head with a Shovel." Comment often about how much you love the paintings.

34. Buy a copy of Helter Skelter or Silence of the Lambs, or any equally gruesomely titled book. Sit in a room with your roommate and read the book (or pretend to) with a highlighter mumbling "that looks good" as you highlight pages in the book.

wander -- travel

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