I won't wish it away [Wednesday, Mar. 19, 2008, 4:03 pm]
I really appreciate the comments on the last entry - it makes me feel good to know that people read, and that what I say isn't just me - other people know where I'm coming from, even if the circumstances aren't the same.
I was going to just do another copy-and-paste blog here, but I won't. Suffice it to say that my car is nearly dead, and I'm lamenting the quandary of needing a car to find a job while needing a job to pay for the car, and trying to finish college on a high note amidst all that.
But you know what? I don't need to worry about it. I'll be okay. I'll get into that apartment before the summer's over, and it's okay if it takes longer than I anticipated. Things happen for a reason. Maybe God doesn't want me to waste nearly half a month's rent by getting an apartment in May - maybe that's just too soon.
And I'm glad how most of the things I worry about don't happen, at least not to the extent that I worry. Which proves beyond a doubt that worrying works ;-)
I think I've pin-pointed one of the reasons why I couldn't be a journalist in real life. Normally I'm fine with deadlines. I don't turn things in late, and I try to do my best on assignments before I turn them in. So why is news-writing so much harder? I realized that it's not the deadlines that get me - it's the fact that my work isn't just based on me, it's based on the availability of other people. When I write a paper, it's just me and the book - I use what I've been given and what I've learned, and put it all together to make it sound good. With journalism, however, I have to find someone to talk to. Sometimes it's a specific person, other times it's a general category of person, other times it's just someone random to give a comment. I just hate it when my work depends on others like that. And I know that if someone just isn't available, it's not my fault, but if my name's on the thing, then it feels like it is.
Once again, I don't know exactly what I'm meant to do, but perhaps God is showing me more clearly what I'm not meant to do... and that's something. And maybe this whole not-having-a-car thing is supposed to teach me how to use public transportation more often, and be less wasteful - if so, I'll do the best I can - and things will work out eventually.
Vitality - Tuesday, Aug. 11, 2009