Motivation [Monday, Jan. 16, 2006, 12:51 pm]
This is my last day of freedom before classes start, and days like this tend to feel something like drifting, because it doesn't feel like break anymore, and yet school hasn't officially started yet. So far I've only read one of the books assigned for this semester. Granted, some students don't even unwrap their books until the first day of class, but still, I like to be more prepared than this.
I wish I had more ambition sometimes. College is a huge thing. Sometimes I feel like I'm treating it like nothing more than a necessary diversion at this point in my life. Isn't it supposed to prepare me for something? To give me all the training I need for some type of career field? But I should know that college can't make me write. It can teach me to write better, but the ambition, and the drive for that has to come from me - I have to have a reason for writing, and for pursuing what I want to pursue. I can't expect an institution to somehow instill that into me.
Maybe it comes from living at home - I don't feel like I need to "do" anything right now, other than make enough money to pay my tuition. And I know that I can't plan out my future, and shouldn't be expected to, but I feel like I should be aiming for something more. I don't want to be one of those many University of Maine graduates who asks "Do you want fries with that?" for a living. But I wouldn't survive as a public school English teacher either.
I should just remind myself that I'm studying what I love, and I know that to me, that's more important than making a lot of money. Ambition is a good thing, but at the same time, this country could certainly do with a little less ambition in the area of making a profit.
Maybe I'm just feeling like this because I haven't been in school for a month. I'll come out of it soon, I'm sure.
Vitality - Tuesday, Aug. 11, 2009