An unlikely turn of events... [Tuesday, Mar. 22, 2011, 9:09 pm]
I'm back. I feel like I'm opening up an old closet that has been shut for over a year. Things are a little bit dusty, and my eyes are still getting accustomed to the dimness, but gosh... everything is still so familiar. I remember little details in things, and yet some of the bigger things are gone. But really, we've only just gotten a little older. We're very much still the same on the inside.
Last year at this time, I was hiking, working, and feeling somewhat stagnant about where I was going; contemplating a possible move.
Now, a year later, I've just started planning my wedding.
It was a long time coming, but of course, I was too blind and short-sighted to see it last year.
The story really isn't a great gigantic piece of melodrama, and I will not wax too verbose in many descriptions of love and delight.
But I can look back, even from this short distance, and be in awe at how two people formed such a close and common friendship, which developed to the point that romantic feelings, though seemingly unlikely and unexpected, flowed so naturally from the foundation that had been built slowly and quietly... one stone at a time.
I also think back to times, more than once, when I'd tried to force such things on my own with other men... well... boys. I would form obsessions, and in my own foolish heart, I figured that thoughts in my head were a reliable substitute for the reality and difficulty of actual love.
Now I can look back and be so thankful to God that he *didn't* give me what I wanted at the time. Even though this relationship may seem slightly unconventional at first (he's 18 years older), I have no doubt that it is right, and even though I never thought, in the 10 years I was friends with Doug (especially as a teenager!) that I'd marry him some day, it really doesn't seem all that crazy now. :-)
In fact, I'm very grateful for the age difference, because it kept our relationship focused on friendship until just the right time. Otherwise, ulterior motives could easily have carried us away far too soon.
I've never been one of those little girls who would dream about her wedding day and plan out all the colors and dresses and order of ceremonies... I've always wanted to be married, but being the center of attention was never something I yearned for in that way.
But now... it's actually exciting. :-) Stressful, yes, but exciting to be planning a wedding ceremony, not so much because of what it is, but because of who I'm marrying, and the many friends and family members who will be witnessing it.
The few months between now and August will go fast, I'm sure... probably too fast... but there's much to do between now and then!
Until we meet again, diary...
Sometimes I forget - Sunday, Jul. 05, 2015