Too little, enough, or too much [Sunday, Aug. 24, 2008, 10:22 pm]
My cat looks so cute when he sleeps. Which he only does when he's not following me all over the apartment - which I guess is kind of cute. I'll take the male affection, even in feline form. Sometimes I prefer that version, actually.
Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough, in... everything. I like to think I'm just content. I have a decent job (albeit temp), an apartment, a car, friends, a church, a family... am I supposed to keep fighting for more? More money, a higher-paying job, bigger apartment, newer car, more education, more friends, rich boyfriend (or in my case, one at all)? And why? Sometimes those seem to be the expectations out there. Am I not supposed to be satisfied with what I have?
Or am I just settling? Am I just using this as an excuse to be lazy? I really hope not. The way I see it... I'm in this place right now. And unless I receive some clear direction to the contrary, then this is where I'm supposed to be. So maybe some people look at me from an external perspective and say "hey, your job doesn't "fit" your degree... what are you going to do about that?"
I guess it's difficult to ask "aren't I doing enough?" without sounding like I'm settling (or whining). Maybe I am. Or maybe I just don't think money and prestige is my #1 focus. It's not like I live a bare-minimum-effort lifestyle - I work hard, I cook, I don't get drunk every weekend, and I don't spend every evening in front of the TV. Maybe I like focusing on the little things of life instead, and trying to better myself in ways that have little to do with a paying job. Or maybe I'm just not doing enough.
Vitality - Tuesday, Aug. 11, 2009