Adaptation [Thursday, Jan. 17, 2008, 6:26 pm]
School has started again. I'm comfortable. Things will be hard this semester, and yet at the same time, I've done it all before. I know how to write papers. I read classics and enjoy them, and open myself up to newer things. I've completed one article for the campus paper, and will probably be doing around one per week.
So far I've only had to do one real interview. It actually went really well - it's funny how quick people are to get you in once they hear you're from the paper. That's why it's weird seeing myself with that label on myself: reporter for the campus paper. Um, no, I'm just Laura. Can I ask you a few questions while I scribble intermittently in my notebook?
I seriously had trouble sleeping when I knew that I'd have to interview someone, if only for 5 minutes, and then represent their words in a paper that thousands of people could possibly read. I know that sounds silly, because the topic was very basic, and there was nothing to be afraid of at all. But that's how I seem to be. Comfort with new things takes me a long time to establish, which is why I probably don't seek out change as much as I should.
It's interesting how the brain adapts to things. When I first started driving I noticed everything, and had to think every scenario through before I could do it, and of course I was always afraid that such-and-such would happen... etc. Now I don't even think about it. The information has been built into me through enough repetitions that even when I have to do something out of the ordinary and think it through, my rational mind just takes over and I'm not afraid, because I don't have a chance to be - I just do it.
I used to think that I never wanted to get that way around people. To become so comfortable with conversing and meeting others that it just lost all its novelty and became a form of social auto-pilot. Well, I still don't want to become quite like that - I mean, I don't want to be a robot. But I've decided that it's possible to acquire skills without losing consciousness of everything. Like driving. Just because I'm not poring over every detail of what I'm doing doesn't mean I'm not still alert and able to react to things. Our brains just... learn to adapt to things. Adaptation doesn't have to mean death of creativity - sometimes it actually helps it to grow.
I still think I'm better at driving than at initiating conversations and such. But I've watched some of my fears diminish quite a bit while I've been here, and found myself wanting to be able to repeat those things that I've learned. I don't ever want to become impersonal. But I don't want to miss out on things because of fear either.
Vitality - Tuesday, Aug. 11, 2009