What a doozie [Friday, Dec. 07, 2007, 10:00 pm]
Sorry for doing two entries today, but I just couldn't pass this one up. I really honestly was going to try to make decent headway on the mounds of homework piling up before me, since my car has (thanks to Daddy!) been fixed and I'm planning to go home tomorrow, and thus will have less time for schoolwork than previously assumed.
However, things this ridiculous don't happen every day, and therefore I must take some time out of my pressing studies to transcribe the brief events of the past few minutes.
First off, some background on me and my pathetic exercise routine. Given the fact that I don't exercise often and despise doing physical activity directly after showering, I often try to find some way to burn excess Calories immediately before showering, and thus by the time I'm finished I feel so disgusting that the shower seems that much more well-earned and appropriate.
So that was my plan this evening. After a break from homework, I was in my room participating in a pathetic solo version of the Cha Cha Slide, by some guy named Casper (which, alas, is far less exciting than doing it with friends), when from my closed and locked door there arose such a clatter that I flew across the floor to see what was the matter. No, seriously, I heard a series of exciting-sounding knocks on the door, and considering that is sometimes characteristic of some of the people I hang out with, I went over to open the door. However, immediately following the knocking, I heard the loud patter of running footsteps, and when I looked into the hallway I saw nothing but a piece of paper on the ground, and alas was not quick enough to chase after the person/people to discover who he/she/they were, since the footsteps had rounded the corner.
I picked up the paper, which was actually two sheets held together at the corner with scotch tape, and covered with writing in dark green marker, on which I read, and I quote:
"Dear Lovely [red heart],
UR secret admirer in Andrew, [and in black marker] p.s. this is 2 the blonde [female symbol]"
Blonde, I assume, as opposed to my roommate who is definitely a brunette. I imagine that this part was scribbled on as an afterthought, due to the different color ink, and the fact that it was kinda scrunched up into the corner.
For those who aren't USM residential students, the last part is referring to Andrews, the hall directly adjacent to (and connected with, so they're practically the same place) Robie Hall, where I live.
I'll be honest, this has given me me the best laugh of the night. That's really all I could do for the first few minutes after I got it. So let's analyze this, shall we?
The first thing that went through my head was, "Okay, which one of my friends is toying with me here?" I mean, geez guys. Just because I don't have a love life doesn't mean you have to use it to your advantage in such a cruel way.
First off, anyone who ever SERIOUSLY wants to write me a love note needs to NOT end it with the word "lol." That will get you nowhere. Just for the record.
The fact is, at least in my eyes, many things about this note scream "female," or if not that, then at least some degree of contrivance or trickery. For one thing, the paper gave off an extremely strong scent of cologne. A male cologne, definitely. However, the male scent did little to convince me, because even throughout my limited experience with this sort of thing, the act of covering articles of love with outrageously scented spray seems to me a very female sort of trait in itself. It just doesn't strike me as the kind of thing that guys would do. Honestly here, how many guys reading this who have written love notes have taken great care to leave their scent all over it? If you have, do let me know. My hypothesis is that whoever this girl is, she overcompensated just slightly by trying to make the alleged gender of this writer a little too obvious. If he was really a male, would he need to go to such great lengths to assure me of that fact unless he was somewhat uncomfortable with his masculinity?
Moving on. Covering the paper, I noticed a bunch of hearts were drawn with red marker, in between lines and such. This does not strike me as something a boy would do. Granted, I probably should not be making assumptions about the nature of artistry, as this is indeed the "artsy" dorm. But whatever your opinion may be, I still say that little red hearts are very girlie.
And that brings me to another thing: most of the guys I have met in this hall are not shy. In fact, many of them are rather flamboyant, and/or gay. But then, I'm generalizing again. The fact is, many of the things about this note seem to run contrary to my idea of shyness. For example, in the place where the time "8:55" is written, the first 5 had very clearly been drawn over something that had been covered in white-out, and, after examining it closely, it appears to be a 3. So this person originally wanted me to meet them at 8:35, but apparently got held up or something, or took too long to finish the note, or whatever, and had to change it. I got it around... hmmm... 8:40?
Another thing is that, after examining the paper this was written on, I realized that the bold green letters were drawn onto an upside-down copy of a blank job application. After examining the second page, I realized it was an application to Aramark. For the non-USM-readers, Aramark is the catering service that is in charge of the cafeteria food. This tells me two things: 1), that this person doesn't even have enough ambition to finish applying for a job washing dishes (or something like that), and 2), this note was most likely rather hastily drawn. As in, a last-minute kind of thing. As in a, "hey, let's play a joke on that geeky girl in Robie" kind of thing.
I can't speak for all shy people, but many of us are also very artistic and slightly OCD, and put concentrated effort into the things we create, or at least those things which we actually care about. Had this been from someone who was genuinely interested, I have a feeling they would have used actual stationary, or at the very least a piece of notebook paper, rather than whatever happened to be lying around their dorm room the moment this idea popped into their head.
A truly interested person would have planned this out more. Maybe slipped it under the door while I was at work, and given me a few hours to decide to meet them rather than 15 minutes. More planning would also have eliminated the need to do the whole "pound on the door and run away" thing.
The point is: I, of course, never took this seriously. I didn't go down to the lounge. I took my shower as I had been planning to, and then spent the next really long amount of time typing this out because it was fun.
So, whoever it was that didn't get enough homework assigned to them this weekend - thanks, but no thanks. Regardless of your gender, I am quite disinclined to participate in this sort of round-about meeting. I have given some thought as to what sort of reception would have awaited me in the lounge had I chosen to go, but I came to the conclusion that it would most likely have involved someone making fun of me, and I really don't need that. So if you are indeed a girl (or several girls), I would like to hope I am less gullible than you anticipated. And if, all evidence to the contrary, you are male... I'm sorry I broke your heart. You'll get over it. Oh, and find better cologne.
Vitality - Tuesday, Aug. 11, 2009