Back in the general swing of things [Wednesday, Jan. 17, 2007, 10:21 pm]
My car won't start. I feel swallowed up in a crippling blanket of dark helplessness. It's as if the very core of independence has been snatched from my grasp. Well okay, it's not that bad. I think it's a dead battery. The engine sounded like it wasn't even trying to turn over anymore. My dad is coming down in about two weeks, so hopefully he can look at it then - I can definitely survive without a car for that length of time, as much as I hate to admit it.
In most respects it's nice to be back in the classroom again. I have a new roommate and she's really nice. She's a Junior as well, so I'm glad to be with someone who's at the same "level" as me. She seems like a dedicated student, and neither of us own a TV, so I have a feeling that this room will be a lot more conducive to studying than it was last semester.
I might need it, too. I had my first poetry writing class this semester, and the teacher is very adamant about the fact that it will be a lot of work. And, yeah... well, I have to read around 30 poems and write a 5-6 page paper about which one of them is better and why. Although I won't fully understand that assignment until I go to an inconvenient location and purchase a manuscript, of which I must also read 4 chapters from and do a few more little exercises. I also have to memorize and recite a poem that's at least 14 lines long. I have a feeling I'm forgetting something else... and that's just what's due next week. Like I said before, this is USM, not Harvard, but most courses I've taken don't have this kind of weekly workload.
And yet, this brings back fond memories of my very first semester, way back at UMA, when I had a momentary freak-out over the amount of work that a basic black & white photography class would entail. My first inclination was to just drop the class, but somehow I didn't feel so good about doing that. So I just dove into it and didn't look back. I ended up enjoying it very much. I got an A. I took three more photo classes after that, and if I had just followed my initial fears I would have missed out on SO much - my photography skills and knowledge would be so incredibly far behind what they have become.
So I'm going to just sit still and let the initial freak-out pass, and then push myself a little. It always hurts at first, but I'm sure I'll be glad that I did it when it's all over. I'll probably never take poetry seriously enough to get a Ph D. in English and a Master's in creative writing like my prof has, but hopefully this will show me how to view it more seriously. I know I can do the extra work - the fact that it didn't fit my initial ideas of what the class would be shouldn't make me afraid.
It will probably balance out in the end, because the web design class I'm taking looks like it will entail a lot of review. I mean, I needed an elective and web design is definitely something I'm interested in. In some ways I already know how to set up a website, but in a lot of areas I simply copy code because I know what effect it has, and not exactly what it does. In other words, I wouldn't be able to set up a website exactly like this from scratch. Well, I suppose even experienced web designers don't memorize a lot of things, but still - I don't know the differences between HTML and XHTML, and I'm not as proficient as I would like to be with the actual functions of a lot of codes, so this class will help out with that. A lot will be review though. I'll still work hard, but I don't think it will be that difficult overall.
So I can't complain. Things will get done. I won't evaluate anymore of my classes tonight - this is long enough already. But I will say that I'm SO thankful that my schedueling worked out this semester and will allow me to attend Intervarsity Christian Fellowship :-) I couldn't last semester because I had a Wednesday night class, but this time I can, and it's so encouraging to gather with fellow Christian students each week. I mean, church is good too, but this is different. It's a smaller group, and we're all in similar places in life, so it's imperative for us all to be reminded that we're not alone here.
I think I'm finally feeling comfortable at this school. God is so incredibly faithful to me, when I am faithful to him. That's something I want to get better at this semester. If you think about it, you could pray for my roommate too. She's a really sweet person, but she was raised Catholic, and seems to believe that all faiths have pieces of "good" in them, and we can't really say something is right or wrong. I sense some inner confusion though (geez, I sound like Yoda). I just want to make sure I'm being a good example. That I'll say the right things when I need to, and shut up if it would only make things worse.
Because if Jesus is the truth, then nothing else can be, no matter how "similar" it might seem to the truth...
Anyway, kudos to whoever has made it this far. Good luck to those who are also in school right now!
Vitality - Tuesday, Aug. 11, 2009