Road test attempt #2 [Thursday, Sept. 23, 2004, 10:08 am]
Okay, so this time, I pulled onto the curb when I was doing parallel parking, went into the wrong lane in a construction zone (the orange cones were everywhere; I had no idea where to go!), made another wide left turn, and stopped when there wasn't a stop sign (so would you rather I didn't stop when there was a stop sign?)
*sigh*. I'm really frustrated with myself. Not only because I hate to fail yet again, but because I don't know how to relax. The intructor told me that may have been my problem. I know I'm a good driver. And I'm responsible - I'm not going to do any road racing or other things that some kids do. Not to mention I'm 2 years older than most of them.
So why can't I relax? What's wrong with me? I can picture myself doing it fine the night before, but then I get all tense, and... I don't know. To compare with the SAT's again, there is one major difference: the road test is physical as well as mental. When I take written tests, I'm still nervous, but once I start, I usually do okay.
But when I'm doing physical things that are being watched and judged, I feel like I have to 'perform'. And I'm not good at that. I don't know why it almost hurts when I feel like I'm being watched. I just don't know - there are so many things I don't understand about myself, that I wish I did. The only way I can think to be less tense is to not even think about it until I do it. But I don't see how I could manage that.
Maybe by my 4th or 5th attempt, my nerves will finally figure out that they're NOT helping me get my license at all. But I doubt it.
"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm."
Vitality - Tuesday, Aug. 11, 2009