Just following orders [Saturday, Feb. 11, 2006, 11:34 am]
I suppose I should do an entry. I'm getting used to the idea of reading at least one novel per week, and it's not that bad. After all, I hear Theodore Roosevelt did that too, on top of being president and raising 6 kids, and all the other things he accomplished in life - so I have nothing to complain about. And I won't let college turn the thing I love into something I can do mechanically.
As I am reminded of by Kelly, technology is becoming the bane of society. Video games, pointless internet activity, spam and spyware, blogs (just kidding), so many things contribute to time-wasting and annoyance. When I have kids, video games will be banned. If they want to find something to do, they can darn well create their own amusement with the materials they have available. With so many things already done for us, we take for granted all the knowledge we have access to, and the creativity we can foster.
Switching gears a bit, I find that I don't feel enough obligation to accomplish things on my own. For example, in my job, I am very uncomfortable when I don't know what is expected of me. That's why I love baking, but hate dealing with customers. When I'm making banana bread, all I have to do is follow directions. There is a certain way it's supposed to be made, baked, packaged, and set out on the shelves.
But with something like waitressing, there are so many "if's" involved. And I don't like that kind of ambiguity. I can't just do everything the same way each time - everyone who comes in is different, wants something different, and sometimes things come up that I don't feel capable of dealing with.
And it's similar in school - I can do great work when my grade depends on it, but when no one is telling me to do anything, I seem much more happy just not doing anything of consequence.
It's not that I'm always either wasting time or doing schoolwork - I do other things around the house that I'd like to consider important. But really, when it comes down to it, talent in school isn't worth much without motivation to use it.
I need to set goals for myself. Not only am I already writing a reading list for summer, but I've decided I want to finish a story before next Fall. And it's one I haven't started yet. And it might end up being rather short because of that. But unfinished work will get me nowhere. I shouldn't have to take a class in writing and be told to finish something, just to be able to finish it.
Aren't you tired of reading about how pathetic I am? It gets old, even for me. You know, God is good. And He still loves me no matter how much I doubt. I know I can't rely on myself - obviously I get into a lot of trouble when I do that. So I need to stop doubting and do something. Which is why I'm off to read and write. Happy Valentine's Day to all!
Vitality - Tuesday, Aug. 11, 2009