Emotion [Tuesday, Aug. 10, 2004, 11:24 am]
Did some things this morning: got a checking account and wrote my first check (for tuition). It really isn't that hard, considering I've seen my parents do it hundreds of times. Now I just want to get myself some decent-looking checks. I wonder if there are any places that carry Lord of the Rings ones...
Today I also bought some of the books I'll need this semester. Cost me $215. And that's not even all of them. By the time I get done I could easily spend almost as much on books as I have on tuition. My algebra book alone cost me almost $100!
At least I'll be able to get a fraction of that back when I re-sell it after the semester. I'm sure I'll want to keep some books (like history and english), but the math one - nah, they can have it back. I could burn it when I'm done, but I might as well get money for it if I can.
You know, day-logging aside, I'm beginning to realize that I don't put as much 'emotion' into this as some people do. It's not because I'm an unemotional freak, but I'm just not one to record every single crying spell I have. And there's nothing wrong with that.
In fact, I don't have a lot of them. I never cry in public. I'm not deeply crushing on any guys right now, so I don't have a broken heart to be whining about right now either.
Sometimes I've noticed that I tend to work differently than other girls in regards to emotions. At all the camps I've been to, we'd have 'sharing time' at the end of the week. And it was very powerful. But at the end of the night, the mood of the evening, amongst the girls, was that of sadness, crying, hugging - emotion.
And I was never like that. It's not that the words didn't affect me - they did. But I always sat stoically in the corner. I never participated in the emotion-fest, because it would have been fake if I did. That's just me. Maybe it's shyness, but I've always felt uncomfortable crying in front of people, no matter how well I know them.
Sometimes I feel like an alien from another planet. I used to be confused too - I wondered if there was something wrong with me. But I know God made me the way He wanted to, for a reason. And hopefully I'm beginning to come out of my shell - maybe just a little. Even if I never enjoy taking part in 'emotion-fests', as I call them, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me. I'd rather just be myself than display fake emotion just to fit in. Maybe that's what continues to make me so shy...
"You always make each day a special day for me...there's only one person in the whole world like you."
Vitality - Tuesday, Aug. 11, 2009