I'm very sadly confused... [Monday, Apr. 26, 2004, 12:10 pm]
I don't really know what to do. I really shouldn't complain, because I'm getting good financial aid, and that's a good thing. But it is enough? And how much is really 'enough' if I'm going to be taking out a loan anyway? Is it right to saddle myself with years worth of debt when I'm only 17?
This isn't a good time to be second-guessing myself, but I always do that. Was I right to even think about attending a private school even though I knew how expensive they are? But what else would I do?
Now I'm kinda caught between the two schools I was looking at before. There's the one I really want to go to, and there's the other one that gave me a lot more financial aid. Which one? And why do I only get 2 days to decide? What if I found a job and worked tons of overtime all summer...would that be 'enough'? What if I lived like a pauper after I graduated for a few years while I payed it off? Or would I be doing that anyway? What if what I want to do isn't worth spending all this money on?
Why am I so afraid of debt? I know, it's better than being careless about it. But borrwing over $10,000 a year...that's a LOT of money! I've always been responsible with money, but is it right to burden myself with so much of it at a time like this?
I don't know. I'm so confused. I've planned about this for two years and now that the time is so short...I just don't know.
What if God doesn't want me at any of those places and He's finally getting that through to me? But how do I know for sure?
I think I compare myself to others too often. But if almost everyone I know is going to a Christian college, shouldn't I be able to too? Most of them aren't a whole lot richer than me. I know, it really shouldn't be about what "everyone else" does. But many people have encouraged me to go to a Christian school. And that's what I've been wanting to do too.
I just don't know.
Vitality - Tuesday, Aug. 11, 2009