I don't know where I'm going... [Friday, Apr. 09, 2004, 2:55 pm]
A little update as far as the whole college thing goes. I suppose I've come to accept that if I'm going to a private Christian school, then borrowing money is going to be inevitable. But I'm still willing to do it, just within reason. I don't want to end up with a heap of debt as soon as I graduate, that I'll be paying for until I'm 40. I want to keep debts to a minimum.
Having said that, I've received final aid awards from the #2 and #3 schools on my list. I suppose I'll have to say that #2 is no longer in the running, as far as I'm concerned. They're a great school - great programs, large dorm rooms, good food, brand new buildings, etc. But all that adds up. Plus they're over 10 hours away from home. And #3 has given me more than they have.
So now I guess it comes down to #1, and #3, which I suppose is actually #2 now, but, minor detail. I really hope my final package from #1 gets here soon. Cuz that's really where I want to go. *sigh*. It's all very anxious. There are so many 'what if?'s that I'm asking myself now. And May 1st is the deadline for the first deposit...
But I guess I'm realizing that it's okay if I'm uncertain about things right now. I mean, how many 17-year-olds out there really know exactly what they're going to do with the rest of their lives? Not many, I'm sure. And I also have to realize that if the only people who went to college were those who knew completely what they wanted to do after they graduated, there would be a lot fewer people in college than there are now. Plus, if the only people who went to college were those who could pay ALL of the money right then, there would probably be even fewer people in college.
I guess I shouldn't feel bad about being uncertain of the future. Cuz really, who isn't? Of course, I can make plans. I can dream about what I want to do. But doesn't everybody? I hear a lot about dreams. Especially on kids' TV shows & such - people are always encouraging them to dream about what they want to be. But for me, dreaming has been second-nature. I've never had a problem with it. Even now, I think my problem is doing it too much. It's the carrying out of my dreams that I think will be much harder than dreaming them, because that requires me to face reality, and be realistic about things, and work hard toward something that I can't see.
Somehow I'm looking forward to the day that I'm well past the prime of life, (or hopefully even younger than that) so that I can look back and see that God worked everything out the way He wanted it. Because right now, it's all so uncertain.
Vitality - Tuesday, Aug. 11, 2009