A ramble about college woes and other stuff [2004-03-07, 1:15 p.m.]
Just got back from church. It was good, but I was tired. Not a good mix. I guess that's the bad thing about getting up after 10 am. Your whole day is kinda shifted. I was laying in bed around 11 pm and still not tired.
By the way, I've started a picture page. It only has 2 on it right now, but I'll be updating, when I feel like it.
I was looking over a bunch of my old entries yesterday, and I realized that I've only really been seriously doing this diary for about 4 months or so. Even though I've had it for over a year, for a good portion of the time I had another diary too, so this one kinda suffered (As in, one-paragraph-long updates once a month). But I'm glad to be seriously updating this one now; it's been fun! The old diary I had (and I think it's actually still up) was at teenopendiary.com. But I like it better here. Mainly because I've met a lot more cool people, but also, I like how you can make your diary look almost like a website. It doesn't have ads and stuff from the host all over it. I'd have to say, the only thing I really don't like quite as much is that you can't add comments to each individual entry (at least on the free version). But that's ok - nothing's perfect.
My friend Henry was on break from college, and was actually in church today, so that's cool. I didn't really get a chance to talk to him, but he looked tired. I bet college will be tiring for me too. *sigh*. I don't really like it how, it seems every time I mention anything about what college will be like, or "When I get to college.." my mom always has to doubt. She's like, "Well, we'll don't know that yet." Well I know it. I've been planning to go to college for like 2 years! I know I don't have $25,000, but then, most other people don't either! But I have to try. I would really hate to borrow money, but it just doesn't seem to make sense to give up hopes of ever going to college just because I didn't have $25,000 a year. I mean, I'm going to get financial aid, and it's not like I'm going to get this chance again! If I was to give up hopes of college now, I still may be able to go back and take classes when I'm older, but it wouldn't be the same.
This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for me. I know my mom is a cautious person, because I am too, but sometimes you just have to go for something when the time is right. I hope my lack of doubt will turn out to be a good thing. Well actually, I have doubts, but I'm not planning on letting them stop me. I know, I should listen to my mom, cuz she's older than me, and has life experience. But at the same time, I can't let her dictate every decision I make. I know she wants to - she seems to have been doing it for quite a while.
I hope I don't sound like I'm complaining here, but this kinda leads to a bigger issue: I can't even buy a secular cd now, unless she looks over the lyrics. So I'll just wait till I'm 18. I can't get my ears pierced either. I've decided not to tell her I joined that dvd club, cuz I know she'd want to look over every single one I buy, before I'd be allowed to watch it. Why doesn't she trust me? If I were to ask her, "When was the last time you and dad ever had to discipline me for anything?", I don't think she'd be able to answer. I'm not saying I haven't done anything wrong, but I'm a 'good kid'. It's just that, sometimes, I almost feel like I'm being punished for being trustworthy. If my mom really knew a lot of the things other girls my age got into, I really don't think ear-piercing would be such a big deal.
Oh well. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents & all. Like I said, I hope I don't sound pessimistic, cuz I have a lot to be thankful for in my life. But do I really have to wait till I'm 18 to be able to make my own decisions about everthing? Shouldn't there be a transitional time here? I mean, it may not be such a problem with me, but my parents will have 6 other kids to deal with after I'm gone. And not all of them will be as passive as me.
Vitality - Tuesday, Aug. 11, 2009